that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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