what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
