my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize