People in love make me want to vomit
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
