Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
