Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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