i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
