my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
