I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
time to smoke my breakfast
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
