I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
