at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
