you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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