Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
