My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize