we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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