I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
