he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
