She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
