I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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