Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
