she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
