Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
