If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
