Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
