Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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