Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
