Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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