My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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