The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
