So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
