dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
