went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
