this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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