No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
