I just made out with a guy for $7.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
