You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
