Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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