I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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