A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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