so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
