theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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