I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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