Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Farmville is her only friend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
