dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
