A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
