Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
