Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
