the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
