Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize