just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
