I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
