So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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