I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
