Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
