he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
