I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
