yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
