ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
