Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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