***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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