I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
