Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
