i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize