Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
