Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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