think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
