the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
