dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize