Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
