You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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