god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
