apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
