I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
