Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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