JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
