Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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