You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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