I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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