So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
