I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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