Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
