He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
porn star boner night. come get it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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