yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
